The Truth of Being Heartless
by LivingDreaming4Eternity
Summary: OFFICIALLY ON HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1: I need to Go Home

**Alright so this is my story in the eyes that Cato wins, I changed some things just to ensure that things would pan out the way I need them too. So please review, it'd mean a lot to me. **

**Here we go!**

**Disclaimer: I secretly own Alexander Ludwig. Yup, he's sitting right next to me right this instant and I wrote The Hunger Games. Lol. Jk. All rights go to their rightful owners. The only thing I own is original characters and the plot. **

_The end was forced upon the remaining three by horrible clutches within the Capital. Only two or one would walk out of this alive. The star-crossed lovers or Cato the brutal and bloodthirsty beast. The entire world was holding their breath. _

_As Katniss began to figure out exactly what the mutts were conformed of Cato saw it as an opportunity, he grabbed the boy, who was barely able to walk and held him in a tight headlock, causing the girl before him to turn. As her eyes, dull with exhaustion and pain, met the sight they narrowed to angered slits and pulled her bow, ready to shoot._

"_Go ahead, shoot me!" Cato taunted, the blood running into his mouth. "If you do, he goes down with me."_

"_Katniss," Peeta choked out. "Just kill him."_

_Instantly his grip around the baker's son tightened, not ready to give up. No one knew the turmoil brewing within the young mans soul because they saw him as Brutal, bloodthirsty and vicious. They didn't care that he had a reason to win this; he has a family, he has friends, hell they'd be really surprised if they knew the truth about the career monster. They would never guess that Cato Trintston would be capable of knowing love. _

_There is so much about this young man that so few know. _

_With one last twist of the neck, in a second of blurred reality, the Girl on Fire's love was gone. Filled with pure shock and not really knowing how it happened, Cato let the boy slump to the hard metal before falling to the muttations below. He was so numb to it now, death. Numb in a way he was never trained for. As Katniss screamed in pure agony at the loss of the boy he tuned it out, he was affected. Seen things no amount of training could have ever prepared him for, heard cries of innocent lives. Suddenly nothing made sense. _

"_Why did you kill him?" She screamed in his face, suddenly the arrow was pointed at his forehead. "What do I have to go home to now?"_

"_You don't think I have things to go home to? We all want to go home, Girl On Fire, but we can't." He told her. _

"_You're horrid!" She screamed. "You're so bloodthirsty; do the feelings of the heart mean anything to you?"_

"_They do." He answered with a serious look laced upon his battered features. "And that's why I have to do this."_

_With all he had he threw the knife, her screams pierced his ears worse than any others he'd heard and he was forced to his knees, covering his ears as hot tears ran down his cheeks. It wasn't done yet. _

_Finally, though, he was out of the hell that life had forced him to but before he passed out he knew, deep within, he'd never truly leave it behind. _

**(A/N: From now on it's going to be mostly in Cato's POV or Arabella's)**

I never thought anything could be worse than actually being in the arena but I was wrong. The nightmares are horrible. I haven't slept more than an hour in the two day trip and it was starting to take an effect on me. Things are different now and no one is pretending otherwise, yes when I reached my team they congratulated me and then left me alone. Everyone, especially my mentor Jaynee, knows how hard this is.

"Cato," A gentle voice accompanied by a knock sounded throughout my room. I looked up to see Jaynee standing there; she's been a friend of mine for a long time as she's only two years my senior and won the games when she was sixteen, now she's twenty. "I wanted to talk to you for a moment before the prepare you for your interview."

With a nod of my head I allowed her in and she closed the door behind her. Silence coated the room once again and I almost drifted back to my previous thought. Would alcohol be the way to escape these demons? It appears to work for District 12's mentor, he was never sober.

"Cato, alcohol or anything like that won't help now." Jaynee seemed to read my thoughts. "It'll get easier in time, trust me. When you get home it's alright to close yourself off for a while but remember your friends and family they just want to help you. So don't always push them away."

"The dreams are getting worse," I told her in a hoarse voice. "I see every death that took place but they aren't the tributes dying…they're the people I care about and love the most."

"That happened to me, too, Cato." Jaynee comforted softly. "I think it was out of fear because now you truly know what you're capable of doing…that wasn't a classroom and now that you have that knowledge you're scared you'll use it against someone you love by mistake."

"Do they go away?"

"Mostly," She answered. "With time and a lot of patience. It's going to be hard Cato but you need to get back into some sort of a routine when you return home. Now it's time for you interview are you ready?"

With a nod of my head I stood up and followed Jaynee out of the room. I didn't want to do this. I just wanted to get home and let my Mom hug me, tell me it's alright and be able to remind myself that I'm still only eighteen. Even if I've seen things no eighteen year old should ever see, done things no human should be forced to do. I'm not proud of it but it's a fact and sometimes, in life, you have just got to face the facts.

I stood backstage, waiting for Caesar to announce my name to a crowd of enthused Capital people, people that make me sick to my stomach, more so now than they ever have before. But no, I cannot think like that. I cannot look down on the Capital or the Hunger Games with distaste, let alone hate but I do hate it all. I hate everything about it and as each second passes the more firmer I become on my decision not to have children. I'd be too ashamed to have my children know that I am brutal, bloodthirsty, heartless, monstrous and every other word they've associated with me and also I would never want to force my child to risk their life.

"And now give it up for the victor of the 74th Hunger Games, Brutal Cato from District 2!" Screams erupted as I made my way across the stage but this time it was unlike the first. I didn't wave or smile…I no longer needed to impress these people. When I reached the chair people calmed and I waited for Caesar to continue. "Cato, my boy, how do you feel?"

"As though I just walked out of my worst nightmare." I answered truthfully.

"I would expect so! But you won! Tell us how happy are you to be going home? How does it feel to know that this time tomorrow you will be back in District 2?"

"Honestly Caesar, I think that's the only thing that kept me from ending my life there at the Cornucopia. Knowing that I would get to see my parents, my brothers, my little sister and my friends." I told him. "If I didn't have them to go back to I don't know what I would have done but I can assure you that I would not be here right now."

"I understand you." Caesar said with a nod. "So tell me, how did it feel to be the end of the star-crossed lovers?"

"I didn't want to kill them. I did what I had to do. People forget that each tribute has someone or something to go home to; they all want to return for completely unselfish reason. People assumed that since I came from District 2, I would just be a heartless career. That's what happens when people assume, they become blinded to the truth."

Caesar looked taken back as did most of the audience but I'm not about to back down and change my true feelings to fit some idea formulated by the government. It's okay not to want to actually kill other humans. In fact people used to consider things like the Hunger Games to be horrid and illegal, now they're a part of everyday life. I remember one of my older brothers told me something in the fourth grade when I became friends with this girl Ember, Marcus said to me: _Don't be friends with her Cate, you may have to kill her one day. _That's what every fourth grader should hear.

"I see," Caesar said looking awkwardly out at the crowd before turning his attention back to me. "So, Cato, what are you going to do now?"

"Probably go home, spend time with the family and possibly look into training at the schools." I answered, reciting a plan I've had for years.

"Any love or any special girl?" He questioned me, wanting all the gossip.

"I'm not sure. I'm only eighteen…there's a lot of life still to live. I think I need to focus getting over the arena before I add a girl to the mix."

"Well ladies and gentleman that is all the time we have. Give it up for our newest Victor Cato Trintston!"

I waved and gave a tight smile as I made my way off the stage. When I reached Jaynee, she patted my back and gave me a friendly kiss on the cheek.

"Ready to go home, Cato?" She questioned me and all I could do was nod as a real smile formed on my face for the first time in weeks.

I'm ready to go home and see my parents, Marcus, my other brother Kale and my little sister Haven. Also there was one more person that I needed to see and that's my best friend in the entire world Arabella. I need to get home.

**Well, there's chapter 1. It'd be totally awesome if I could get two reviews? Pretty please?**

**Lots of love, **

**Ashlyn.**


	2. Chapter 2: Words Lie

**Hey guys! Thanks for the two reviews, you are awesome. I'd like to point out two different things brought up in the reviews!**

**First: Yes, Cato is a little out of character but you have to realize he was kind of losing it on the cornucopia in the books. So you have to think that if he was the one to walk out of there alive, he'd be a little different. He's going to change a lot throughout the story; this is just my vision of if he had won. **

**Second: Yes I did kill Katniss and Peeta because I didn't really want to have three victors and this is what I think would have happened if Cato won. **

**Just remember this is my **_**original**_ **work and this is my vision of the story!**

**Disclaimer: I'm still waiting for the phone call that goes something like this "Hey, Ashlyn? Yeah, this is Alexander Ludwig. I just wanted to tell you that I am in love with you, even though we've never even met." So I don't own him or any recognizable character. I don't own the Hunger Games, only my original plot and characters.**

The ride home was a blur of emotions, moments and thoughts that I could not even begin to sort out as the train pulled to a stop in front of the crowd of energetic citizens of District 2. A year ago I would have been right there with them but things changed when you see the things I've seen, done the things I've done you change. I stepped onto this very train almost a month ago a completely different human being then I am today when I step off of it. How do I approach this though, there will be so many people questioning me and wondering what I was thinking. Careers are not supposed to appear soft.

"Ready Cato?" Jaynee questions me as the door slides open, nodding my head I step away from the window and follow her out. All around me people chant my name and cheer me on.

The first people that register within my broken mind are Clove's parents and the way they present themselves truly disturbs me. They were cheering me on as though their daughter, one of my best friends, never existed. I had to stand there; wave, smile and look happy when the only thing I wanted was to get to my new home and hug my mother, never letting her go.

"Ladies and gentleman," Jaynee's voice sounded from a microphone. I glanced over at her, waiting for her to continue. "Please welcome home the Victor of the 74th Annual Hunger Games, Cato Trintston."

Her words only caused more cheers to erupt as I waved and bowed. After what seemed like hours of pictures and congratulations, Jaynee finally told me they would take me to my new home. Apparently that is where my family would meet me for the first time after the games. I followed my team through Victor's Village and nodded my head to something that Jaynee was saying. Finally we stopped at the end of a sidewalk that led up to the porch.

"Well Cato, here we are." Jaynee smiled at me as I felt the nervous bubble inside of me. "You come by any time you want, you know where my place is."

After I nodded my head, she kissed my cheek quickly as her and the rest of the team moved toward her house. I stared up at my new home for quite some time before taking a deep breath and beginning the walk up the path, ready to attempt to move on with my life. I only reached about half way when the door was swung open and in a blur of blonde curls and a pink dress my sister Haven launched herself into my arms.

Have you ever come so close to losing something that when you finally get to hold it again the feeling within your heart cannot be understood by someone else? That's what I'm feeling as I hold the nine year old, who looks so small against my larger frame, close in my arms. We stood there hugging for a few moments before I pulled away so I could see the precious face of my little sister. She grinned at me and placed a kiss on my cheek. I smiled back and continued to walk into the house, closing the door behind me. I set Haven on the floor only to be attacked in a hug from my mother, who was crying all over the place.

"Ma," I said as she checked me over for any visible sign of damage. "Ma, you won't find anything. The Capital won't have an ugly Victor, they cleaned me up."

"Oh I see you're still as humble as ever," The soft spoken, angel like voice caused me to freeze in my spot. Slowly I turned to see Arabella standing there with a smirk plastered across her face.

I take a rather selfish moment to look over my best friend. She's still as beautiful as I remember, if not more so. She's always had a knack for making the simplest things, such as jean shorts and a tank top, look like a high fashioned Capital outfit. She's gorgeous and that is why I'm always protecting her from other guys, she doesn't deserve to be treated badly. No one is good enough for my best friend or for my little sister-hopefully I have a while for that one.

"Ara," I whispered finally as I pulled the tiny girl into my arms. Giggling lightly her tiny frame hugged me back as though she never wanted to let me go. "I promised you I'd come home." I whisper in her ear.

She pulled away from me, her green eyes searching my blue ones. "You have no idea how proud I am of you." She told me and I could see the honesty and pride radiate off her face. "I could never be as brave as you are."

"I killed so many people, though," I whispered knowing that Arabella hates the Capital and all it stands for. I'll never forget that night…

_(Flashback Cato and Arabella are both 13)_

_ "Cato," Marcus said coming into my room. I looked up annoyed that he was interrupting me but seconds later my very distraught best friend ran into the room. She was a crying mess and as I pulled her into my arms it became apparent that Marcus realized this conversation was not for him as he stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him. _

_ "What happened?" I questioned as the girl continued to shake with the force of her sobs; in an attempt to calm her down I ran my hands up and down her back. "Ara, please, tell me."_

_ She didn't say anything that night. I held her there in my arms for hours upon hours just wondering what could possibly have happened. I knew that she didn't want to talk about so I just held her and allowed her to let it all out. Even though I didn't say anything she mumbled things occasionally, mostly about how much she hates the Capital and how it ruined her, how she wants to ruin it. _

_(End of flashback)_

I learned later that night that Arabella's father, who was doing some business in the Capital on medicine, had one of his experiments go horribly wrong. They said it was an accident but the story didn't line up, especially after the Games I'm beginning to believe that the Capital was at fault as well. Arabella was devastated but she did everything she could to help her mother, something I always admired about her.

"You did good, son." My Dad said in a political tone, that normal people would associate with work but I associate it with love as I pulled away from the hug I was sharing with my best friend.

"Thank you, sir." I said with a nod as he clapped his hand on my shoulder. Kale and Marcus also took turns hugging me. Before I knew what was happening my Mom was shooing us all away so she could complete dinner. I smiled and followed my brothers and best friend out into the nicely decorated living room.

Arabella sat down beside me but it wasn't like it was before. Usually she would sit right next to me or even on my lap; we were never shy around each other. I was hurt and confused as she kept a good six inches between us.

"Cate, stop looking at her like she just broke your heart." Kale spoke up causing me to look toward my brother. "She saw the games; you have to expect her to be afraid of you."

I turned to Ara ready to ask if she really is afraid of me but I was instantly met with her standing up. I stood up too and grabbed her hand before she had a chance to protest and began to pull her upstairs. When we reached the room that I assumed to be mine, as it had my name on the door, I pulled her in and shut the door behind me.

"Are you afraid of me?" I demanded but she just looked down at the floor, her eyes refusing to meet my own. "Damn it, Arabella! Answer me!" I saw her jump slightly at my slight raise of voice and instantly found myself apologizing to her which she simply shrugged off.

"Are you afraid of me?" I questioned her.

"I'm afraid that you'll be different." She finally whispered as her smoky blue grey eyes met my brighter ones which allowed me to see they were cloudier than usual. Clouded with unshed tears. "People change in that arena. I saw a boy that I had never met before on that screen and it scared me. You were so-"

"Brutal, heartless, bloodthirsty, a monster, cruel, vicious, inhumane, merciless, ruthless, horrible, disgusting…I think any of those will do." I recited dryly as I stared in complete shock at the girl before me. "Take your pick, sweetheart."

"Cato," She sighed, pulling at her ponytail, something she always does when she's nervous. "That's what the Capital people called you!"

"So why don't you?" I questioned as the anger rose in me. "I think it's quite obvious what's going on here. You see the portrayal of me on that screen and you think that you don't know me anymore! So why don't you label me like they do, huh? You have no fucking idea what it's like in there. I didn't kill out of pleasure; I like fighting yes, but not killing. I did what I had to do in order to come home. Sorry if you're fucking dumbass brain isn't capable of understanding that."

"Cato!" She pleaded at my raise in voice; it was then that I noticed how close we stood. I was towering over her with a look on my face that could kill. "Let me expl-"

"No, you've explained enough." I spat, shoving her slightly away from me, something I didn't even realize I was doing. "It's obvious you don't want to be best friends with Brutal Cato, so we're done. Get out and never look back."

(Arabella's POV)

I left. I did exactly what he told me to do and it's probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. I ran downstairs and as I did I ran right into Kale, who's like an older brother to me. He grabbed my shoulders and looked down at me in worry.

"What's wrong?" He questioned instantly searching me for any visible sign of pain. "Did he hurt you?"

I shook my head and wiped my eyes slightly. "Um, I don't think I'll be around much for a while. Cato really doesn't want to see me."

I pushed past Kale and walked out the door. I wasn't able to contain the horrible sobs after that. It became quite obvious that he doesn't realize what happened right before he left, which explains what I'm scared of. Right before the Peacekeepers brought me out Cato told me he loved me and now it's proof that those words are a lie.


	3. Chapter 3: Reality and the Past Meet

**Hey everyone! If I don't get some reviews on this chapter I think I may put this story on hiatus just because I'm not sure how you guys feel about it and I have some Harry Potter things in mind too :) So yeah!**

**Please review if you want this story to continue!**

**Anyway here we go.**

(Cato's POV)

I'm not stupid and I'm not forgetful; it's not like I forgot the words I said to Ara. Did I mean them? Of course I did! I wouldn't have said them if I didn't. However when you've seen the things I have and performed the actions I have your outlook on life changes. There is no way that I will ever be normal again because of what I have witnessed. I don't want Arabella to have to deal with me; a monster. I'm so afraid of everything anymore and I still have this haunting notion that everyone is after me, the feeling that I need to kill.

On several occasions since returning home I've had to stop myself from snapping at my family. I know that it will never be the way it was before. If I snap at someone I won't calm down.

"Yo, Cate," I looked up to see Kale walking into my room not looking too happy at all. "What did you do to Ara? She was in tears when she ran out of here."

"It's none of your business, Kale." I told him seriously.

"Yeah, I think it kind of is my business. What the hell did you do to her?"

I glared at him, feeling the anger well up inside of me and as hard as I tried I couldn't push it down. "It is none of your business, Kale." I repeated in a dark, tight tone.

He glared at me; obviously we don't let things go in this family. "What the fuck did you do to her Cato? God, you're a complete asshole!"

(Kale's POV)

It happened in a blur that I would have never saw coming. In an instant it went from Cato sitting on the bed to him having me pinned against the wall, his strong hand enclosed on my throat. I struggled to breathe and claw his hands off as I stared into his ghostly gray eyes, no longer blue. It's like he's a completely different person.

"I'm going to kill you," He hissed darkly. Fear consumed me as my vision began blurring; my brother's about to kill me.

"Oh my god! Cato! Let him go!" A voice that I recognized screamed just as I blacked out.

(Cato's POV)

"Oh my god! Cato! Let him go!" A woman's voice screamed from somewhere within the arena but I didn't move as the tribute, which district is he from again?, fell limp in my hands.

Just as I was about to snap his neck to ensure his instantaneous death someone grabbed me, I tried my hardest to fight them off but they didn't let go and soon another set of arms encircled me as well holding me back.

"Let go!" I screamed. "Let me go! I have to kill him! Let me go! I want to go home!"

"Cato," A voice that sounded fuzzy but familiar spoke in my ear. "Cato, listen to me. You need to calm down. Okay? This is Marcus, remember me? I'm your brother. You're home, Cato. You're not in the arena, you're home."

My body began to relax as reality fled back to my mind, drawing me out of the arena. Marcus continued to speak.

"You're never going back there. You're home. You don't need to attack people."

Attack? Wait, what?

Finally I groaned and shut my eyes tightly, shaking Marcus off limply. He released the death grip on me but still held my shoulder. When I opened my eyes again I was hit with the sudden feeling of being sick.

"What happened to him?" I questioned as I looked down at my passed out brother. "We were just talking to each other!"

"Cato," Marcus said turning me around and looking me directly in the eye. "Listen to me, okay? You did that. I don't know how but you attacked him; Cato you thought you were back in the arena."

"W-what?" I stuttered out.

"It's okay," Marcus said calming me.

I didn't even know where to begin, all I knew was that my brother could have died and it was all my fault.

"I-I'm going for a walk. I can't be here right now."

I ran out of the room as quickly as possible, not once looking back or listening to my family calling after me. I'm such a fucking monster.

(Ara's POV)

I was sitting on my porch, reading a book, when I saw Cato walking toward me. I took in his expression right away, he was scared and upset. I stood and placed the book down on the step before walking over to him.

"Hi," He whispered when he reached me, we both came to a stop; his hands stuffing themselves in the pockets of his jeans.

"Hey," I whispered back. "Are you okay?"

"Um, yeah," He said slowly which instantly told me he was lying.

"Okay, want to come in and get something to eat?" I questioned motioning to my house.

"Uh, no, I just-I need to be alone."

And just like that he walked away from me again. I prided myself in being one of the few people whom Cato always let in and now that's not there anymore. How can I trust someone who doesn't even trust me?

Sighing I jogged toward him, when I reached him I placed a hand on his tense shoulder. In a second he spun around and shoved me to the ground, landing on top of me. His eyes were narrowed in a glare I had only seen on his handsome face once in my life and that moment would be in the arena. What the hell is he about to do to me?


End file.
